Umm...Now What?

And actually a bit of both is the reality.

Before I start, I am very thankful for all that I have.  When I say my prayers I make sure to give thanks for my friends, my family, and all the wonderful support I have.  I appreciate our life.  It’s a comfortable life with a nice house, nice cars, and good people.  I feel like my “in person” self whines about things more than she used to.  I used to be extremely positive, but now…I could do better.  More thankfulness and less whine.

What I am whining about is my job.  The district where I work is laying off between 75 and 80 teachers.  I will most likely be one of them considering this is only my second year with the district.  I am kicking myself for leaving my previous job to come here.  I had a continuing contract, good benefits, and more money.  I left b/c I thought things would be somehow different in a more affluent area.  They aren’t.  I miss my urban kids.  They were so much fun in so many ways.  Of course there were things I didn’t like, but aren’t there always?  My current district has said they will let people out of their contracts early in an effort to save money and be better prepared for the coming school year.  The guilt that I feel even considering leaving my students mid year eats me alive.  It makes my stomach so upset.  But I have to do what’s best for my family and what keeps food on our table.  If I have the opportunity to interview elsewhere, I most likely will.  I don’t know what I’ll do if anything comes of it but I will most likely interview.  I have to find another job for the next school year and if that means leaving now, I guess that’s what it means.  I hate being in this position.  Ugh.

Now back to trying to find the silver lining in the rain cloud.  If things are meant to be, they will be.  I’ve learned a lot in my current position and I think I’m a better teacher for it.  Hopefully some other district will recognize that and I’ll be able to find a position where I can be happy and grow old and retire!